Saturday, October 10, 2015

Still Here

Well it's not going too badly. Obviously being away during the day at home makes a huge difference, and I kind of like how much more organized I have to be, and how I'm free from guilt/distractions in the evenings. Not much more work, since I have to cook and clean up every night anyway, and there seems to be less laundry somehow.

Had a red flag moment the last few mornings though. On Friday morning she was going on about having made K a bento (it was a tupperware container full of rice with an umeboshi in it) and what time did he get up and go to work? He got up and went at 5, I said. He's always leapt out of bed at that hour, not sure what he does as I sleep on, but I think he books things to record and feeds the cats and takes a nap. Then this morning she stomps up the stairs at 5am calling out to both of us, why isn't he up? She wants to make a bento. He got up. I decided not to, despite my curiosity as I could hear them talking, she using her whiny voice, as I didn't want to start a precendent! Everything I choose to do is so calculated, I had no idea I was so manipulative, lol!

I got up around 8 and she had a go at me then, moaning about him not having a routine time to get up and go to work. I think I know what's going on. She has the old-fashioned idea that the woman is supposed to get up before the man, make him breakfast and lunch, and she'll do it until she guilts me into taking over. But he doesn't eat breakfast and I have never made him lunch. He comes home at 9am daily when another staff member comes to watch the shop while he runs errands, and he grabs any leftovers that are there then, or he buys stuff. I sometimes bring him stuff, but his work is 2min drive from home, why would I get up a frickin 5am to give him a box of frickin rice that will be cold and hard by midday when I could just bring it to him fresh? Makes no sense to me. Besides, I also think he's an adult and can take care of himself. I do. My father did. Need I even mention my feminist conviction that we are two equal adults who married each other, not a master and servant. Sigh. Oh well, he did NOT accept the bento this morning, yay!!

Apart from that it's been a nice day, with a nice balance, a little work, moving around, somehow managed to spend time with all 3 kids one on one, even fit in a nap with the cats!

I took Amy to a high school visit this morning, then took K some curry (yes, this is very much related to the above, lol!), and took Lena home for a shower (our nice new one is better than Baachan's old tin pot). I went to work, then shopping and we ate lunch together before I took Erica to the pool with me. She's been wanting to watch me swim for ages, but we just haven't had time, so she was stoked. So I had a little fan/cheerleader, running up and down behind the observation window as I did my laps. I only did 600m, as I miscalculated the times and had to get out when I finished a lap, found the lane marker had disappeared and a bunch of kids doing their stretches. Well, it was a fast 600m - the guy in the next lane was relatively young (ie, under 50) and at one point I realized I was gaining on him and decided to see if I could get past him. He sped up when I caught up to him, and we were neck and neck for 2 lengths, then he lost it and fell back and I WON!! hahaha! I always get a better workout when there is a fast person alongside me!!

Then I drove all 3 to their dance class, and went home home for a nap. I miss my kitties. ALL of them ended up sleeping next to or near me, it was so so sweet! Then off to work for another two hours and home to cook dinner. Lots of leftovers so tomorrow's meals are set too. Baachan is going to a recital tomorrow to accept a certificate on Jiichan's behalf. I was going to go with her, but K is now, and I will stay here in case we have visitors, then go home to clean up at home, and hopefully stay there the night instead of coming back here. I think I need a night chez moi!

Monday, October 05, 2015

New Life

And then suddenly, everything changes.

It's funny because I'd been thinking about the rapid and unexpected nature of change recently, wondering when - if - it was going to happen to me. Wondering if it wouldn't, and I'd be in the same place, doing the same thing ten years from now.

Then along it comes, and never quite what you thought.

Jiichan died. He'd been unwell for some time, so that wasn't so unexpected. Baachan seems to want us to live here - that was, strangely, a surprise, even though it had been on the cards for years - years ago K had said to me he'd want to move in with one, if the other died. But I'd convinced myself that she would not want us to, as we'd be too much trouble and noise and mess and stress. That K would want to stay home where's he comfortable and not hassled by her. That we couldn't - we can't change the kids' schools, and what about the cats? I realise now I've been building my case since Jiichan got sick. But it's a possibility after all. We're in limbo at the moment, staying here, with everything at home. Trying it out. There's so much to consider. First of all we had the funeral and everything, and they are still tying up loose ends there, and organising return gifts etc. Then I guess we'll have to go through his stuff. There's no way we could move in without an extensive clear-out of stuff anyway. As I said, I've been building my case to not move in, and intend to absolutely put my foot down about keeping the other house open. It will be so we can maintain the kids' addresses for school; somewhere for the cats to live of course, and I'll use it as my office and storage for my work things (and personal things, photos and memorabilia). Baachan suggested we rent it. I thought of air bnb. Trying right now to decide if it will work better for everyone to stay here during the week and go home on weekends, or stay at home during the week and go stay with Baachan at the weekends plus Wednesday, say. And how that will affect where we put our stuff! So many considerations.

Jiichan died on October 1. That was also the start date of my new jobs - my other big change. I have seven more work hours to fit into my week, and was just working out how to balance that with work outs and cooking. I was all set to shop on the weekend and prepare meals in advance, or at least plan them, when all this happened. Now I have little idea what I am doing one day to the next. I seem to be the chief cook, no change there I suppose though it would be nice to have some help now that my hours have increased. Baachan however seems to be angling towards giving herself a break after 50 years or so and letting me take over. Hmm.

Finally, October 1 I was also expecting a period that didn't turn up until today. So to add to all that I was considering the possibility of adding a baby to the mix. Imagine that. 

All this going on you'd think I'd be gone quite mad, but I'm coping okay. Just on autopilot at the moment, trying to support Kanji and taking his lead for the time being at least. But something will have to be decided soon. Wish me luck figuring it all out!