Monday, October 05, 2015

New Life

And then suddenly, everything changes.

It's funny because I'd been thinking about the rapid and unexpected nature of change recently, wondering when - if - it was going to happen to me. Wondering if it wouldn't, and I'd be in the same place, doing the same thing ten years from now.

Then along it comes, and never quite what you thought.

Jiichan died. He'd been unwell for some time, so that wasn't so unexpected. Baachan seems to want us to live here - that was, strangely, a surprise, even though it had been on the cards for years - years ago K had said to me he'd want to move in with one, if the other died. But I'd convinced myself that she would not want us to, as we'd be too much trouble and noise and mess and stress. That K would want to stay home where's he comfortable and not hassled by her. That we couldn't - we can't change the kids' schools, and what about the cats? I realise now I've been building my case since Jiichan got sick. But it's a possibility after all. We're in limbo at the moment, staying here, with everything at home. Trying it out. There's so much to consider. First of all we had the funeral and everything, and they are still tying up loose ends there, and organising return gifts etc. Then I guess we'll have to go through his stuff. There's no way we could move in without an extensive clear-out of stuff anyway. As I said, I've been building my case to not move in, and intend to absolutely put my foot down about keeping the other house open. It will be so we can maintain the kids' addresses for school; somewhere for the cats to live of course, and I'll use it as my office and storage for my work things (and personal things, photos and memorabilia). Baachan suggested we rent it. I thought of air bnb. Trying right now to decide if it will work better for everyone to stay here during the week and go home on weekends, or stay at home during the week and go stay with Baachan at the weekends plus Wednesday, say. And how that will affect where we put our stuff! So many considerations.

Jiichan died on October 1. That was also the start date of my new jobs - my other big change. I have seven more work hours to fit into my week, and was just working out how to balance that with work outs and cooking. I was all set to shop on the weekend and prepare meals in advance, or at least plan them, when all this happened. Now I have little idea what I am doing one day to the next. I seem to be the chief cook, no change there I suppose though it would be nice to have some help now that my hours have increased. Baachan however seems to be angling towards giving herself a break after 50 years or so and letting me take over. Hmm.

Finally, October 1 I was also expecting a period that didn't turn up until today. So to add to all that I was considering the possibility of adding a baby to the mix. Imagine that. 

All this going on you'd think I'd be gone quite mad, but I'm coping okay. Just on autopilot at the moment, trying to support Kanji and taking his lead for the time being at least. But something will have to be decided soon. Wish me luck figuring it all out!


Joanne Tomooka said...

Feeling for you as I read this this morning. Such a hard time for everyone. The only advice I can give is to take it really slowly - when someone in Japan dies it is such a stressful time that some things seem so vital at the time, but then as time goes by less and less so.
When Tom's Mum died we thought we would have to make lots of changes, and the first couple of months were pretty much hell - trying to work it all out, taking food to his house to eat with him every day etc. Then as time passed we all slipped into routines that worked for everyone and now he seems to enjoy having the house to himself and seeing us just once a day.
I really hope you can work out something that works for all of you. Stay strong!

Rachel said...

Yep, taking it real slow. The kids keep asking me what we are doing, I just say I don't know. Not making any decisions now! Hopefully the challenges will show themselves before any decisions are made.

Gaijin Wife said...

Big changes indeed!! How are you two weeks on? I imagine things are busy busy until day 49. If you would like me to come and talk to K about the downside of you moving in with his mother... .....

It sounds like she is very genki though? Quite capable of living on her own for a while. That said I'm leaning towards keeping Granny K until she can't cook for herself or it gets too dangerous and then packing her off to an old people's home! Must be difficult at the moment with you there and all your stuff back at your house!

Ganbare. xx

Rachel said...

It's a tricky balance, but not too bad as we are back here by just after 7 in the morning so we can leave everything here and all we really need to bring is whatever we are working on that night, plus clean undies if we have a bath (we just leave our jammies there and in the morning change into what we had on the day before to go home). There have been a few moment of doubling up though - folding the laundry here, going over there and folding another load! But she cleaned and put out and brought in that load, on a day I had to work all day long, so I was actually better off. And K annoyed me leaving dirty dishes at BOTH houses in one night, grr! I'm stubbornly staying put at home though, at least during the day. Going over there for dinner and to sleep is not all that bad really. Though I'm hoping to establish at least one night at home, just to stop the dust settling. Maybe we'll take turns or something. The final ceremony's date is chosen, 11/14 so I guess more actual decisions will be made after that.